Lesson #15

> Everything is chaotic (2026.01.18)

Since Ginpachi-sensei has ended, it has been quite hard to find inspiration. The weeks after Poland felt like a drag and I am struggling to find meaning in the work I do. I guess everybody struggles to find that, which is why everyone is exhausted and grumpy all the time. I guess I expected a job to give me meaning in life, but a job is just a means to survive, and hoping that it gives you joy is just a tall order. I was also expecting a career trajectory to be clean even though I know that it's usually not. But, apparently I like to live in delusion and when things are chaotic, that kind of irritates me.

What lead to be more accepting of chaos is planning for my next vacation. To do that, I have been rewatching Golden Kamuy which follows a Russo-Japanese war hero and an Ainu girl on a journey to hunt for gold in Hokkaido. Parts of the story are historically accurate with special care given to the portrayal of Ainu culture. As with any gold expeditions, there are competing factions making the story chaotic. Sometimes certain factions cooperate, but betrayals are common. It's also common to work with traitors again after the betrayal - pretty confusing. 

Chaos has always been the norm, whether good or bad. Sometimes I have to accept it and other times, I get to be angry. I am excited to embark on this seichi junrei (聖地巡礼).